a breakable friendship

25th july, 09. 1312hour

I really don’t know wat happened to me, I don’t even understand why I sent out the message, is going to be huge impact??!!! There is only one stupid reason for me – I just don’t want to be so FAKE!!!! But, does it sound that I am really dumb? In this reality world, everyone put on their different mask in their daily life......

Not denying, I was very sad and ofcuz fed up.

I don’t know why, all of sudden he posted me a message “I am not sure how long I will stay in JB……”. Be frank, what will you react when you got this message from a closed friend, or I rather named it brother. I started to figure out something which is not good. Then immediately I SMSed him asking what happened to him. It ended up with a stupid reply “haha…nothing”.

He told me something is going happened but it yet to confirm. If he were telling me now, and the outcome is far different, he will feel shame. A friend I called brother refuse to share thing with me is because of one word – SHAME!!!! What a shame huh…

I don’t know why all of sudden I felt so angry. I don’t know where is my courage came from, I sent him a message “Means is something lor. Since u r so reluctant to tell. Ok la…u jz do whatever as u like la.” It seem like clearly indicated I was angry. Immediately, i received a call from him, but i not answering is because i really don't know what to talk with him and i don't have the courage to face it.

He asked me if i were angry? After deep thought, I sent him another message which I really foresee i may lose the friendship with him. But i jz wanted to let him know that what in my mind.

I told him, "if you were ask me, i can tell u YES!! i don't want to say something which is too fake.

I learned that we can jz share happiness. Maybe i was too care about this, yes too care I meant it. N this caused me over-react.

Now only i realized our friendship is jz breakable. Maybe is time for me to evaluate de frenship btw us. Tis is wat so called "bro"?? Haha...for me, v r not much different from those who are normal fren.

Shame? I think tis de funniest joke 4me. I'd rather u tell me nothing instead of tell me half. V were worried just now. Wondering wat had happened 2u n figured out many possibilities. One of the possibilities is u got promoted n might transfer 2other branch.

Making fool n end up jz tell me nothing. Tis really funny 4me. All of sudden feel like a fool."

Wow...this is wat i sent to him. After tat, i started to worried. M i too serious into this matter? I have a sleepless nite for the whole nite. On my way to work this morning, i felt regretted for wat i've done yesterday. Tears drop...i dont know why...all of sudden those moment that we went through together, flashing back...again...tears drop...i m even sad now...

i asked myself "can it be turned back??" Actually, wat i wanted is very simple. If u were want to tell me, pls tell me the whole story so tat we can share no matter happiness or sadness. Even the end results is not as wat u think, u shouldnt feel shame as we are brothers. If YES, we will be more happier. If NO, we can share your sadness. SHAME?? B frank, your un-intented message do hurt me.

Over-react? I think i just too care, yes i meant it!!!!

Anyway, nothing can be said now, de die has been cast. Let's natural take its course. No matter wat will happened in future, you still my bro always, and wat we have went through, will be kept deep inside my heart.

"I Love U, bro!!!"